


It isn't really Good-bye

by Terpia



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 17:37:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14878283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Terpia/pseuds/Terpia
Summary: Dan and Phil have one last day for themselves before the start of the tour. Phil, however, finds it hard to relax.





	It isn't really Good-bye

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to megiaolf on tumblr for being a wonderful beta. 
> 
> My tumblr: terpia.tumblr.com. Come and chat with me if you want!

Phil makes sure that he's packed everything one more time before closing his suitcase. He checks the time on his phone and sees that it’s six in the afternoon. By this time tomorrow, he and Dan will already be in Brighton preparing for the Saturday shows. After that it will be Milton Keynes, then Nottingham, the rest of UK, and then finally, the big wide world. He sighs at the thought. 

The last few days have been very busy for them. Between pre-recording a bunch of gaming videos, overseeing the last few tour preparations, saying goodbye to their friends and family and just general preparations for the journey ahead, they have been constantly occupied. And it’s not like the next few months will get any easier. That’s why they’d made sure that they’ll have today free, their one last night at home to just chill out and enjoy themselves before the tour madness sweeps them away. 

By all accounts, the day was going as planned. They had slept-in pretty late, then spent the rest of the morning watching anime in bed. After they’d finally managed to get up, they played video games for a few hours, and soon they were going to order Thai food and re-watch Planet Earth 2. A perfect day. Or at least it would be perfect if Phil could just relax. Instead, since morning there has been a knot in his stomach and heaviness in his chest that he just can’t quite shake off. Seeing the suitcase lying in front of him doesn’t help. 

Feeling restless, he gets up and goes downstairs to check up on Dan. When Phil had gone to pack his things, Dan was sitting on the sofa playing  _ Fortnite.  _ He had told Phil that as soon as the game was done, he would go and help him with the packing. However, when Phil gets downstairs nearly an hour later, it’s quite clear that Dan has barely moved since the last time he saw him, his eyes still glued to the screen. Although Phil would usually just roll his eyes at that, today he feels annoyed.

“Dan.” 

Dan doesn’t look up.

“Dan!”

“Huh?” He briefly glances at Phil before turning back to the screen. “What?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be packing right now?” 

“Yeah. I’ll start in a sec.”

“Can you start now?” Even Phil is surprised by the harshness in his voice. Dan looks at him, confused and slightly hurt, before turning off the game.

“Jesus, fine.” He gets up from the sofa, still looking at Phil. His face is now worried. “Are you okay?”

“I-” Phil doesn’t know what to say. “Y-yeah, I’m fine. Sorry. Didn’t mean to snap.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Phil just shakes his head. Although that’s clearly not the answer that Dan was hoping for, he doesn’t press the issue further.

“Okay. I’ll be upstairs if you need me. Unless you want to join me?”

Phil just shakes his head again and Dan leaves. 

When he’s gone, Phil takes a shaky breath. Seriously, what’s wrong with him? Why is this upcoming tour affecting him so badly?

Stressed out and angry at himself, Phil goes to make himself some coffee. Although it has been many years since caffeine had any actual effect on him, he still finds its warmth and bitter taste comforting. Standing there and waiting for the water to boil, Phil tries to figure out what's going on. It’s not like he’s not excited to travel the world,  meet thousands of fans and, on top of that, get paid really big money for it. And although he will miss his parents, Dan, Martyn and Cornelia will still be with him. There is absolutely no reason for him to be this upset.

Yet, he just can’t help it. Whenever he looks at the street outside, looks at the room around him, thinks about all the little coffee shops and restaurants that he and Dan like to visit, he can’t help but to think  _ I’m not going to see any of this for the next six months _ . This year there’ll be no summer barbecue with his family. The houseplants that he’s so desperately tried to keep alive these past few months are all going to shrivel up and die. The pigeons, unfed, will probably find some other balcony to meet up on, taking their silly little day-to-day pigeon dramas with them. Phil actually feels his eyes water at the thought. Feeling even more stupid, he goes to sit down on the sofa and waits for Dan to finish packing.

Later in the evening, as they’re sat comfortably in front of their TV eating Pad Thai, Phil starts to feel a little bit better.  He thinks he might even have his emotions under control. That’s why, as they’re watching an iguana getting chased by a bunch of snakes, he is surprised to hear himself  say:

“I can’t believe we are going to be gone for six whole months.”

Dan looks over at him. “You know, between all the travelling, shows and meet-and-greets, the tour is going to fly by. It’s going to be done before we even know it. Just like TATINOF” 

“I know,” Phil says grumpily, sliding down the sofa. “It’s just... six months is a really long amount of time.”

Dan now fully turns towards him, a frown forming on his face. “Are you having second thoughts about the tour?”

“What?” Phil sits back up. “No, I’m very excited for the tour. It’s just- I’m just going to really miss our apartment. And London. And being able to visit my parents whenever I want.” Phil hadn’t intended to say any of this out loud, but now that he’s started, he can’t stop. 

“I’m going to miss our bed, our stuff, that park we sometimes take walks in. Even the annoying children across the street.” Phil sighs, looking down at the floor. “I’m just really going to miss our home.”

They stay silent for a moment. When Phil finally looks up at Dan, he’s staring back at him with nothing but pure fondness in his eyes.

“Phil.” Dan leans forward and pulls Phil against his chest, squeezing him tight. “Was that what earlier was about?” When Phil silently nods, he hugs him even tighter. 

“I know that it’s silly. We haven’t lived here that long and I never had this problem during TATINOF and I know that it’s going to be fun, but six straight months away just seems like so much, and-” Phil is starting to ramble.

“Phil,” Dan interrupts him. “It’s okay. I’m going to really miss our home too.”

They stay like that for a little while before Dan finally pulls away and smiles at Phil.

“I know that it’s going to be really hard. But hey, look at the bright side. You’re going to be constantly hanging out with me for the next six months! Just think of all those hours we’re going to spend on the road, cramped in the tour bus. Aren’t you excited? Huh?” He playfully bumps his shoulder against Phil’s, his smile growing wider. 

Phil giggles. “Can we play I spy?”

“Believe me mate, we won’t be doing much else.”

The rest of the evening passes peacefully. After his talk with Dan, Phil genuinely feels much better. As they fall asleep that night, Dan’s head is on Phil’s shoulder and his arm is lying across Phil’s chest. It’s a weight as familiar to Phil as the weight of his own limbs. It calms him down. He thinks to himself that even if most things he considers a part of his home will stay behind in England, this part, the most important part, will stay alongside him no matter where they’ll find themselves.


End file.
